a photo one of Ravi’s friends took of him in Jim Corbett park in India. Click the picture for a little more info on flickr.

Sometimes when I see happy people, or I read the blogs of people who appear to be happy it makes me feel sick inside. I guess this is probably jealousy…  I want to wake up in the morning and feel joy in my heart. Or at the very least feel content where I’m at.  I just feel like nothing I do is ever going to make that happen. I feel so stuck in the situation I am in… and it is true. I cannot physically make happen what I want to.  It is so frustrating. Sigh….

In other news I cleaned my kitchen tonight. It is not completely done, but it felt really good to make a dent in part of the mess that is my house and life. When everything is this messy, it makes you feel even more out of control than you actually are.  I just wish I felt stability… and I don’t know.. is it wrong to feel like I deserve to be happy?